Navigating Infertility as a Couple: A Man's Perspective from the Author of "The Empty Nest"

Infertility is a deeply personal and often isolating experience that affects couples in profound ways. While the physical and emotional toll is widely documented from the female perspective, the male experience is frequently overlooked. In this powerful and vulnerable conversation, author Jared Walker shares his journey through years of uncertainty, loss, and hope - and how creative expression helped rebuild connection with his partner amidst the pain.

Jared's illustrated book, The Empty Nest, began as private journaling - a love letter to his wife after multiple miscarriages and the continued inability to conceive. What started as a deeply personal project evolved into a gift for the broader fertility community, capturing the quiet courage and emotional isolation that so many couples experience.

A Journey of Love, Loss, and Creative Expression

Jared's story with infertility began seven years ago, shortly after he and his wife got married. "We got married and started trying to have children," he shares. "At about a year in, we had our first positive pregnancy test - it was on Christmas day. We were so excited, imagining the future, buying little baby clothes. But that ended in a loss, pretty early on. We were devastated."

From there, the journey only became more complex. Despite numerous tests and lifestyle changes, the couple received the dreaded diagnosis of "unexplained infertility" - no clear reason for their inability to conceive. "There was nothing to point to, no clear problem we could fix," Jared explains. "We just kept jumping through all the hoops, trying to figure out what was going on."

As the years passed, the emotional toll deepened. Jared and his wife found themselves grieving the experience in very different ways, struggling to connect and communicate effectively. "We weren't on the same page. We didn't know how to have these really hard conversations," he reflects. "A lot of the times when we argue, it's about this. When the grief shows up for one of us and not the other in that moment, it's like, 'What's wrong with you? Why aren't you feeling this with me?'"

The Power of Storytelling to Bridge Emotional Distance

It was during this time that Jared began pouring his heart into writing and illustrating what would become The Empty Nest. "I started journaling this book kind of into existence," he explains. "I didn't have any intention of starting to write a book or to share this with anyone except my wife."

The story follows a pair of ducks who, like Jared and his wife, are unable to start a family despite their deepest desires. Through simple yet poignant vignettes, the book captures the isolation, longing, and quiet resilience that define the infertility experience.

Jared initially shared the manuscript with his wife as a birthday gift, not expecting the profound impact it would have. "We were just sobbing together for hours, trying to get through it," he recalls. "It just kind of reconnected us in a way that we felt like we were missing each other a lot through those years."

The act of expressing his emotions through storytelling proved to be a powerful healing tool for the couple. "I realized it is incredibly healing for her and helpful when I just express those feelings more often," Jared says. "If there's ever a question of, 'Should I share this good or bad?' the idea of 'This is in my mind and you're not alone in it' is something that the book really brought out in us."

Bridging the Gap: The Importance of the Male Perspective

As Jared and his wife began sharing the book with others experiencing infertility, they were surprised by the overwhelmingly positive response. "The feedback was really good. It was really positive," Jared says. "That was kind of when we started moving forward, finding an illustrator, editing it a bit more."

What Jared didn't expect, however, was the realization that the majority of his audience was female. "I looked at my TikTok analytics the other day, and I think it's like 97% of my followers are female," he shares. "It just shows the problem, once again. Men not only will they usually not talk about it, they won't even consume this type of content."

This observation highlights a critical gap in the infertility narrative. While women's stories are increasingly shared and celebrated, the male experience often remains shrouded in silence and isolation. "It's almost like a natural thing," Jared reflects. "It's like, 'Oh, are you going to go to your appointment? Are you going to go do your thing?' Nobody's even considered that it would be my issue that I need to be the one going and doing the appointments and the thing. It's just like, 'Well, she'll figure it out' kind of thing."

Dr. Lora Shahine, a double board-certified reproductive endocrinologist and OBGYN, has witnessed this dynamic firsthand in her practice. "I very much was like, 'Oh honey, I got this. I'll go to the appointments, you don't have to worry about anything. This is my thing,'" she shares. "I tried to sort of shelter him from it or just take this on as my role because this is my field. And I also felt a lot of shame because I'm like, 'Well, it's got to be my fault. I'm a fertility doctor. I should know how this works.'"

Jared's story serves as a powerful reminder that infertility is never just "her story." It's their story, and the male perspective is crucial in fostering understanding, empathy, and support within the relationship and the broader community.

Finding Connection and Community Through Shared Experiences

As Jared and his wife navigated the complex emotions of their infertility journey, they found solace in connecting with others who understood their experience. "We shared it with another couple, and the feedback was really good. It was really positive," Jared recalls. "Then we shared it with another couple, and you know, it just kind of built from there."

The response from the fertility community has been overwhelmingly positive, with readers expressing gratitude for the book's ability to foster open conversations and shared understanding. "I just sent this to my husband. He would never see this. This would never pop up on his timeline," one reader shared.

For Jared, this feedback has been incredibly meaningful, as it aligns with the book's original purpose - to help couples feel less alone and more connected in their journey. "That was the thing, is like, 'What why are we putting this out there?' because we really, really struggled through this and are currently struggling through this, and there is nothing... that we had done the research, we had bought all the books, and at the end, it's always like, 'And then the little baby comes,'" he explains. "We wanted to put that perspective out and then it was like, 'We want people to be able to feel the emotion together. We want couples to be able to feel that together.'"

Embracing Vulnerability and Sharing the Journey

Jared's decision to share his story publicly was not an easy one. He and his wife grappled with the implications of opening up about such a personal experience. "We had a couple tough conversations about, 'Do we want to do this? Do we want to be this vulnerable? Do we want to put this out there?'" he recalls.

Ultimately, they decided to take the leap, recognizing the potential to help others who were struggling. But Jared was mindful of the potential consequences, such as feeling obligated to discuss the topic whenever he encountered friends or family. "People obviously know that we're going through something, but do I want to open that up? And then I think that the other, you know, does this just open up people thinking that it's okay to bring this up any old time because, 'Well, hey, you wrote a book on it. Obviously, I'm willing to share.'"

Jared's journey with Dr. Lora Shahine and the Brave & Curious podcast has been a testament to the power of vulnerability and the importance of sharing personal experiences. By opening up about the challenges he and his wife have faced, Jared has not only found healing but has also created a space for others to feel seen, heard, and supported.

Resources and Support for Navigating Infertility

If you or someone you know is struggling with infertility, there are resources and support available:

• Connect with Jared and explore The Empty Nest on TikTok or purchase the book on Amazon.

• Follow Dr. Lora Shahine on Instagram for fertility-related content and resources.

• Sign up for Dr. Shahine's newsletter to stay up-to-date on fertility topics and recommendations.

• Listen to the Brave and Curious podcast for more inspiring conversations about fertility, pregnancy, and women's health.

• Explore the resources and support services available at Dollar For.

Remember, you are not alone in your journey. By sharing stories, fostering understanding, and supporting one another, we can build a more compassionate and inclusive community for all those navigating the challenges of infertility.