Discovering Family Secrets: One Woman's Journey of Identity, Belonging, and the Power of Love
Uncovering a DNA Surprise
What happens when a simple DNA test turns your entire life upside down? For actress and writer Lisa Brenner, that's exactly what occurred when she decided to take an at-home ancestry test "just for fun." The results revealed a shocking truth - the man she had known as her father her entire life was not actually her biological parent.
In a recent episode of the Brave and Curious podcast, Lisa opened up about this deeply personal journey, sharing how the unexpected DNA findings led her on a path of self-discovery, family reconciliation, and ultimately, the inspiration for her new film, One Big Happy Family.
As Lisa explained, the DNA test indicated that only 50% of her genetic makeup aligned with what she had been told her entire life - that she was 100% Ashkenazi Jewish. The other 50% revealed a completely different ancestry, one that included a grandfather who was the same age as her, living just miles away. "It was enough truth for me to be intrigued, but enough that I was like, 'Okay, this test is wrong. This can't be,'" Lisa recalled.
But the DNA didn't lie. Further testing confirmed that Lisa had a half-brother who was the same age as her. This earth-shattering revelation sent Lisa and her family on an emotional rollercoaster, as they grappled with the implications of this newfound information.
A Family Secret Unraveled
As Lisa delved deeper into uncovering her family's history, she discovered that the truth behind her conception was rooted in the medical practices of the 1960s and 1970s. Her mother, who was Lisa's "best friend in the whole entire world," had undergone a medical procedure to help her conceive, but was never fully informed about the details.
"My mother wasn't told the actual medical facts of what they were doing to her, and there was such a veil of secrecy and shame around infertility," Lisa explained. "She was told not to tell anyone in the family. I don't even think my father knew."
It became clear that Lisa's mother had undergone an intrauterine insemination procedure, where the doctor used a donor's sperm without her knowledge or consent. This practice, while now considered unethical and illegal, was unfortunately all too common during that era, as medical professionals grappled with the complexities of fertility treatments and the societal stigma surrounding infertility.
In the 1960s and 1970s, there was a significant lack of transparency and openness around fertility treatments, with doctors often withholding information from patients.
Infertility was shrouded in shame, and many medical professionals believed it was best to conceal the details of procedures from patients and their families.
The use of donor sperm without the knowledge or consent of the recipient was a practice that, while unethical by today's standards, was sometimes seen as a way to help patients conceive a child they could call their own.
For Lisa, this revelation was both shocking and heartbreaking. "It really was such a different time as I'm sure you know about the technology and how doctors were back way back when, previous generations," she said. "My mother wasn't told the actual medical facts of what they were doing to her, and there was such a veil of secrecy and shame around infertility."
Navigating the Emotional Aftermath
The news of her true biological origins was a profound and deeply personal experience for Lisa. She grappled with a range of emotions, from grief and loss to confusion and identity crisis.
"When it first happened, oh my gosh. And I think I do talk about this in the movie. It was devastating. Like I felt that I lost my father again, that I had to mourn him again, that he just passed away again," Lisa shared. "And there was one specific moment in my life that I I wrote in the script, but it we changed it on the day in shooting and you'll know what I'm talking about. But I my daughter was she was actually a baby at the time when I first found out. And I used to hold her every night before putting her in her crib. And I used to look at her face every night when I held her in my arms and I would see my dad's face every night and just how proud he would have been. And then when I was told this about myself that night, I'm holding her and it was like her face disappeared."
The loss of that connection, that sense of shared identity and belonging, was deeply painful for Lisa. But as she navigated this journey, she also discovered a newfound appreciation for the power of love and the true meaning of family.
Redefining Family and Identity
Despite the initial shock and grief, Lisa's story is ultimately one of resilience, self-discovery, and the transformative nature of family. While the DNA test may have shaken the foundations of what she thought she knew about her identity, Lisa's deep connection to her father and the family that raised her remained steadfast.
"I really believe your religion is also in your heart. If you want to be something then you know there's a conversion process you go through and if you want to do it that's amazing. You are really Jewish. I really believe that," Lisa shared, reflecting on the complexities of her Jewish identity.
For Lisa, family is defined not by genetics, but by the love and support that binds us together. "I believe it it the whole thing is what you make of it. I'm not I I don't have shame around it. It's just part of my story. I'm I'm proud of it. I I'm I identify more with my the family I was raised with. My half siblings, they're just part of this crazy journey. It's it's just so interesting."
This perspective is beautifully reflected in Lisa's film, One Big Happy Family, which she describes as a "love letter" to her mother. The movie explores themes of identity, belonging, and the power of family, all through the lens of humor and heart.
Embracing the Unexpected
As Lisa's story demonstrates, the journey of self-discovery can be both challenging and transformative. By embracing the unexpected and finding strength in the love of her family, she has not only healed from the initial shock but has also found a deeper appreciation for the complexities of identity and the true meaning of belonging.
For those navigating their own DNA surprises or grappling with questions of family and identity, Lisa's story offers a powerful message of hope and resilience. "I really believe it it the whole thing is what you make of it. I'm not I I don't have shame around it. It's just part of my story. I'm I'm proud of it."
Lisa's openness in sharing her story, both through her film and in her candid conversations, is a testament to her courage and her desire to connect with others who may be experiencing similar challenges. By shining a light on the complexities of fertility treatments, the power of family, and the beauty of self-acceptance, she is paving the way for a more open and understanding dialogue around these deeply personal issues.
Whether you're exploring your own family history, navigating the complexities of fertility and identity, or simply seeking inspiration and hope, Lisa Brenner's journey is a powerful reminder that the true essence of family lies not in our DNA, but in the love, support, and connection that we cultivate with those around us.
Resources and Connections
Learn more about Lisa Brenner and One Big Happy Family on the film's website.
Follow Lisa on Instagram at @thelisabrenner and the film's account at @onebighappyfamilymovie.
Dr. Lora Shahine's Newsletter - Stay up-to-date on the latest in reproductive health and wellness
Dr. Lora Shahine's Podcast "Brave & Curious" - Explore more topics related to fertility, pregnancy, and reproductive health
For more insights and resources from Dr. Lora Shahine follow her on Instagram, TikTok, Twitter, and Facebook.
Remember, your family story is unique, and the path to self-discovery is a deeply personal journey. By embracing the unexpected and finding strength in the love that binds us, we can all learn from Lisa's story and the powerful message it conveys about the true meaning of family.
