Your First Fertility Appointment for Lesbian Baby-Making

As a reproductive endocrinologist, I love many things about my job. I especially love providing hope and family-building options for members of the LGBTQ+ community. 

This blog post will cover five important tips for your first fertility appointment if you’re part of a lesbian couple. (Please know that in this post, when I use the word lesbian, I am also referring to gender-diverse individuals with eggs.) You’ll walk away understanding how to find the right clinic for you, and I’ll also share some important questions to ask your provider.

1. Find a clinic that will care for you and your needs. 

Unfortunately, there's a history of same-sex couples experiencing discrimination from fertility clinics—even to the point where services are denied. Thankfully, this is becoming less and less common, and it certainly does not happen at my clinic Pacific NW Fertility in Seattle. 

That being said, it’s understandable to feel vulnerable and nervous before your consultation. You want to find a place with the services you need while also providing you with the respect you deserve. I encourage you to find a clinic with queer-competent care. 

One way to start: Look at the clinic’s website. On our site, you’ll find information about our entire center dedicated to LGBTQ+ family building, along with lots of other information about services. That’s a signal that you’re going to get good care from a welcoming team. 

Another route: personal recommendations. If you have friends who have sought services at a fertility clinic, talk with them. Ask them how it went and if they felt cared for by their team. There’s nothing like a personal recommendation. 

2. Think about your goals. 

Before your first visit, ask yourself about your goals. Consider things such as: 

• Who’s going to get pregnant? 

• Do you both want to be pregnant at the same time? 

• Do you want someone to go first with pregnancy? 

• Do you want to do reciprocal IVF, where one partner’s eggs are extracted, fertilized with donor sperm, and then transferred to the other partner for pregnancy? 

• Do you want to do something straightforward, like intrauterine insemination (IUI)? 

You don’t necessarily have to know all the answers before your appointment, but it’s good to start thinking about it with your partner. 

3. Think about your finances. 

I firmly believe that everyone needing fertility services should receive insurance coverage. Unfortunately, insurance companies don't always agree with me, and coverage isn’t mandated in every state. 

I sincerely hope your insurance provider provides coverage, but please know that there are sometimes limitations to that use, including for same-sex couples. It’s important to figure out your coverage before your appointment. Talk with your insurance provider and speak with your company’s HR department. The billing department in your fertility clinic can also be a resource for deciphering language and answering questions.

If you don’t have coverage, there are many ways to find resources for your fertility care, such as fertility grants. I serve on the board of a wonderful nonprofit called BabyQuest Foundation, and I recommend checking them out.

4. Think about your sperm source. 

There are lots of options when it comes to finding sperm, and determining your preferences all comes down to talking through questions with your partner, such as: 

•  Where are you going to get the sperm? 

• Do you want to use a known donor? 

• Do you want to get anonymous donor sperm from a sperm bank? 

• Have you started looking through some sperm bank websites to get a feel for the information you get? 

If you have a feeling about where you're going to get your sperm, talk with your clinic. If it’s important to you to use known donor sperm, you’ll want to ensure that the fertility clinic shares logistics and recommendations to make that happen for you. 

5. Prepare questions.

Trust is essential in any doctor-patient relationship, and asking your doctor questions can help you get on the same page. Here are some that I recommend: 

What tests do you recommend? 

I talk with my patients about preconception care. I want to ensure that your thyroid is in good shape before trying to conceive. It’s also important to know blood type and whether you’re immune to chickenpox and rubella. I also offer fertility testing to my same-sex female couples to understand the ovarian reserve, check anatomy, and make sure we’re not missing any controllable variables to ensure success. 

What treatment options are available at the clinic? 

For example, if your goal is reciprocal IVF, ensure that’s an option at the clinic. 

How am I going to get additional questions answered? 

If you’re like me, questions might pop into your head after your appointment, and you’ll want to know how to get in touch. 

How does the clinic work? 

Is the clinic open daily? What are the hours? Is it closed on holidays? Who will you see for your visits? Get information about how the clinic works from an operational standpoint so you can envision if it’s a good fit for you. 

What are the next steps?

Is the clinic going to call you? Do you need to schedule an appointment? Be clear on this. 

I hope this was helpful. Check out my YouTube video on this topic if you have additional questions or comments. You also might like How to Get Pregnant if You’re a Lesbian and 5 Steps to Getting Started with Lesbian Baby-Making.