Supporting Loved Ones Through Father’s Day When They Want But Don’t Have Children Yet

Father’s Day like many holidays can be a stinging reminder of what some people desire most but do not have yet. Whether it’s years of infertility, a recent miscarriage, a failed adoption attempt – any holiday celebrating family can make those that want it most feel down.

1 in 8 couples in the United States suffers from infertility. 

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage.

When family building doesn’t go as planned, people can be left feeling confused, angry, lost, and lonely. Many people do not share their struggles for many reasons: shame, sadness, anxiety. 

When friends do share and support is provided – the focus can be on the person checking the ovulation test kits, waiting for a period, doing the shots for IVF, or physically recovering from a miscarriage – but the other partner (the one not physically trying to conceive) is a part of this journey and emotional roller coaster too. For the purposes of this article – father, men, male terms will be used to describe that person.

If you know someone struggling to complete their family, ready to be a father but not a Dad yet, and you want to help but are unsure how – keep reading.

1.     Be Present – You don’t have to have all the answers but let them know you are there for them. 

2.     Listen – When they are ready to talk, listen with kindness. Be patient.

3.     Don’t Give Advice – It may feel like you are showing you care by sending them articles are the latest fertility treatment or sharing experiences you’ve heard from friends, but please leave the medical advice to the doctors. 

4.     Invite Them to an Activity without Kids – Holidays and especially Father’s Day is full of reminders of what they do not have yet. Invite them to an activity they may enjoy but is not family focused.

5.     Give space but Check in – it’s ok if they need space, time to be alone. Check in with a text or a phone call to let them know you care.

Men can feel left out of the family building journey. They can even feel guilty for being sad or feeling down when they see their partner physically recovering from trying, treatment, miscarriages and more. It’s common for men to feel that they need to be strong for their partner, suppress their own needs for emotional support, and focus on ‘pushing through’ to the end goal. BUT – everyone needs support and love through the process. Be that kind, thoughtful person in that soon to be father’s life that thinks of their needs from time to time.

Learn more about infertility and miscarriage with more blog posts at drlorashahine.com.

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