Your Step-by-Step Guide to Navigating the Surrogacy Journey
Considering surrogacy but not sure where to start? Feeling overwhelmed by the process and unsure of the next steps? You're not alone. Surrogacy can be a complex and deeply personal journey, but with the right guidance, it can also be an incredibly rewarding path to building your family.
In this comprehensive guide, we'll take you through the step-by-step process of navigating the surrogacy journey, from understanding the key differences between traditional and gestational surrogacy to finding the right gestational carrier and navigating the legal and financial landscape. We'll also explore the importance of mental health support and how to identify reputable surrogacy agencies to partner with.
Whether you're just beginning to explore surrogacy or you're already well into the process, this guide will provide you with the knowledge and resources you need to make informed decisions and ensure a smooth and successful journey.
Understanding the Basics of Surrogacy
Before we dive into the step-by-step process, it's important to understand the key differences between traditional surrogacy and gestational surrogacy. In traditional surrogacy, the surrogate mother is also the egg donor, meaning she has a genetic connection to the child. In gestational surrogacy, the surrogate carries an embryo that was created using the intended parents' or a donor's egg and sperm, and she has no genetic connection to the child.
According to Mollie Huyck, the Director of the Gestational Surrogacy Program at Pacific Northwest Fertility, gestational surrogacy is the more common and legally straightforward option in most states. "In most states, actually in all 50 states, it's significantly more complex [to pursue traditional surrogacy]," Mollie explains. "Many clinics do not do traditional surrogacy."
One of the key advantages of gestational surrogacy is that it helps to protect all parties involved, including the intended parents and the surrogate. "Often, gestational carriers can just change their mind and maybe want to keep the baby if there's not a genetic connection," Mollie says. "But you really do a lot of counseling and work that we're going to get into in great detail in this podcast episode, that you really do protect yourself from that."
Finding the Right Gestational Carrier
Once you've decided to pursue gestational surrogacy, the next step is to find the right carrier. This can be a daunting process, but with the right guidance and resources, it can also be a rewarding one.
Mollie recommends starting by considering whether you want to work with a private gestational carrier or through a surrogacy agency. "Often, I for patients, I make sure that they know that I'm going to give them quite a few options as well, you know, I'm going to give them a list to start," she says.
When evaluating potential agencies, Mollie suggests looking for the following key factors:
Communication: The agency should be responsive, transparent, and communicative throughout the process.
Pricing and Compensation: The agency should provide clear and upfront information about their pricing, as well as the compensation for the gestational carrier.
Expectations: The agency should have a clear outline of their expectations for both the intended parents and the gestational carrier.
Complimentary Consultation: The agency should offer a complimentary consultation to get to know you and your needs.
Recommendations: The agency should be able to provide recommendations for escrow partners, attorneys, and other key service providers.
On the flip side, Mollie cautions against agencies with a history of legal issues, unethical practices, or a lack of transparency around their escrow management. "A red flag for us is if I hear an agency has legal action that's against them," she says. "That's part of that, escrow funds are management in-house. It's really important for both the intended parent and the gestational carrier to have outside escrow."
In addition to evaluating agencies, it's also important to take the time to find the right gestational carrier for your family. Mollie recommends looking for carriers who have completed their own families and are motivated to help others grow theirs. "Often, gestational carriers have littles at home and we want to make sure that they're also protected and their families are protected as part of this as well," she says.
Navigating the Legal and Financial Landscape
Surrogacy involves a complex legal and financial landscape, and it's crucial to have the right protections in place for all parties involved. This includes securing legal representation, establishing an escrow account, and understanding the financial implications of the process.
According to Mollie, the legal agreement between the intended parents and the gestational carrier is a comprehensive document that covers everything from medical decisions to compensation and what happens in the event of an emergency or unexpected outcome. "It's also going to outline compensation for the gestational carrier and what that timeline looks like," she explains. "Often, it's broken out over the 10-month period of pregnancy."
Mollie emphasizes the importance of having separate legal representation for the intended parents and the gestational carrier, with the intended parents covering the cost of the carrier's legal fees. "It's really important to make sure that legal is separate representation than your gestational surrogacy agency," she says. "That it's not within the same house that you have legal representation as the intended parent, but also just as important for the gestational carrier to have their own legal representation with the legal portion of the process."
In addition to the legal agreement, the financial aspect of surrogacy is also a critical consideration. Mollie recommends planning for a total cost of between $200,000 to $250,000 for a surrogacy journey, which includes the agency fees, compensation for the gestational carrier, insurance, escrow, and legal fees. She also suggests exploring whether the intended parents have any family building benefits through their employer that could help offset some of these costs.
One important financial safeguard is the use of an escrow account, which Mollie describes as a "holding tank or a holding account bank account" that ensures transparency and protects all parties involved. "It creates that ability for you as the intended parent to be able to see what are those transactions or events that are occurring and how is that leaning against the legal agreement that you've put into place," she explains.
The Importance of Mental Health Support
Navigating the surrogacy journey can be an emotionally and mentally challenging process, which is why Mollie emphasizes the importance of mental health support for all parties involved.
As part of the surrogacy process, both the intended parents and the gestational carrier will undergo a psychological evaluation to ensure they are emotionally and mentally prepared for the journey ahead. "They're going to go through that psychological evaluation as well. And not just them, but their partner or their spouse as well on that side to make sure that they truly all understand what they're stepping into," Mollie explains.
Beyond the initial evaluation, Mollie also recommends ongoing counseling for the intended parents and the gestational carrier. "We also have an opportunity to talk with a counselor about how do you explain your child's birth story to them, what does that look like, how does it feel, do you have expectations around communication with your gestational carrier that perhaps you even as partners or you haven't even walked through on what that feels comfortable, you know, how that looks and how comfortable you are in saying it out loud," she says.
This mental health support can be especially important for the gestational carrier, who may be navigating complex emotions and questions from their own children about the pregnancy. "Often, gestational carriers have littles at home and so as they start to see their parents' tummy grow, it can create questions for littles and so it also creates that chance for gestational carriers to be able to craft language of what feels right for their family in describing it," Mollie explains.
By prioritizing mental health support throughout the surrogacy journey, all parties can feel better equipped to navigate the emotional and psychological challenges that may arise.
Navigating the Timeline and Costs
One of the most common questions that intended parents have about surrogacy is how long the process will take and how much it will cost. Mollie recommends planning for a timeline of 18 to 24 months, with the average wait time falling somewhere in that range.
"Are there nuances in that? Absolutely," Mollie says. "Are there families that feel like they're motivated and want to do things in an expedited way or even delay longer than that? Absolutely. But I would say on average, I say plan for 18 to 24 months with the average wait time tucked in there."
As for the cost, Mollie suggests budgeting between $200,000 to $250,000 for a surrogacy journey, which includes the agency fees, compensation for the gestational carrier, insurance, escrow, and legal fees. "That is not including creating embryos," she clarifies.
Mollie notes that there are a few factors that can impact the overall cost, such as the gestational carrier's location and whether the intended parents have any family building benefits through their employer. "Often, you know, a couple of questions that I'll ask during a consultation is also be, will be, do you have a family building benefit that we should note? Depending on an employer, they may offer benefits toward either IVF or medical treatment and or gestational surrogacy," she explains.
For intended parents who are concerned about the financial aspect of surrogacy, Mollie recommends exploring resources for financing, such as personal loans or crowdfunding platforms like Roaring Adventures. She also suggests looking into services like Navie, which can help match intended parents with more affordable gestational carriers.
Conclusion
Navigating the surrogacy journey can be a complex and emotional process, but with the right guidance and resources, it can also be an incredibly rewarding path to building your family. By understanding the key differences between traditional and gestational surrogacy, finding the right gestational carrier, navigating the legal and financial landscape, and prioritizing mental health support, you can embark on this journey with confidence and clarity.
Remember, you don't have to go through this alone. Reach out to experienced professionals like Mollie Huyck at Pacific Northwest Fertility, who can provide the support and guidance you need to make informed decisions and ensure a smooth and successful surrogacy journey.
For more information and resources on fertility, reproductive health, and wellness, be sure to check out Dr. Lora Shahine's weekly newsletter and her Brave & Curious podcast. You can also connect with her on Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter.
